i thought that was very heart felt but it didn't flow as well as it should have and i kind of got lost within the words. The meaning was not as clear as i would have hoped but all in all it was pretty good. 
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
he put on his boots and went to work.
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
mom saw the truck flash down the street
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
took an axe, broke down the door
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
carrying people, out of the flames
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
timbers cracking, smoke 'awreathing
i hold a flower close to me,
i know fathers watching over me.
a petal falls, ever tired
i catch it, hold it
it smells like fire.
i thought that was very heart felt but it didn't flow as well as it should have and i kind of got lost within the words. The meaning was not as clear as i would have hoped but all in all it was pretty good.
silas switch wrote:the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye >>> The day I didn't wake up, to kiss father goodbye.<<<
he put on his boots and went to work. >>> He put on his boots and went to work.<<<
the day i didn't wake up, >>> The day I didn't wake up, to kiss father goodbye.<<<
to kiss father goodbye
mom saw the truck flash down the street >>> Mom saw the truck flash down the street.<<<
the day i didn't wake up, >>> The day I didn't wake up, to kiss father goodbye<<<
to kiss father goodbye
took an axe, broke down the door >>> Took an axe, broke down the door. <<< (I was kind of confused here, who took an axe and broke down the door? When you read the next couple of lines, you understand it, but maybe you could link them better with different words.)
the day i didn't wake up, >>> The day I didn't wake up, to kiss father goodbye<<<
to kiss father goodbye
carrying people, out of the flames >>> Carrying people out of the flames<<< (Here we are again dearie, who was carrying people out of the flames. MAybe instead of using different words, you could be more descriptive. So far, I am intrigued by this story though. Very interesting)
the day i didn't wake up, >>> The day I didn't wake up, to kiss father goodbye<<<
to kiss father goodbye
timbers cracking, smoke 'awreathing >>> Timbers cracking, smoke 'awreathing<<<
i hold a flower close to me, >>> I hold a flower close to me,<<<
i know fathers watching over me. >>> I know fathers watching over me.<<< a petal falls, ever tired >>> A petal falls, ever tired,<<<
i catch it, hold it >>> I catch it, hold it,<<<
it smells like fire.
Hey there Silas Switch! Welcome to YWS.
I'm Kat. Nice to meet you ^^
As Colt has mentioned above you should review other two works before you post your own.
So, on to the review!
the day i didn't wake up,
to kiss father goodbye
he put on his boots and went to work.
Hello! I'm Colt, a newer member myself! Welcome to YWS!
I see you are new, but we have a rule here saying you cannot post your work without reviewing two other pieces of work yourself. Sorry. It's the law.
I will do a smaller review, until you do reviews. I may come back and make it longer.
I noticed several grammar errors, mainly with capitalization. Please at least capitalize your one letter words like A and I.
The verses sound short, I'd add to them. There's too much repetition, the piece gets a bit boring and predictable.
It was still good and interesting. Good job!
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